The working week has finished and I’m shattered to the core
My head is full of spreadsheets that I’m trying to ignore
At home’s a boy that’ll hound me as soon as that key turns in the door
Know what? I’ll grab an extra 10 minutes in the toilet
The interrogation starts before my coat is on the hook
“Daddy where’s my lightsabre; have you seen my Star Wars book?”
“I drew a picture of E.T. – you must come have a look!”
Thank God for that extra 10 minutes in the toilet
“Do aardvarks dream? Can penguins fly? Wanna hear me count it twos?”
“I’m think they do, I ‘m not sure they can. Can I at least take off my shoes?!”
The questions are coming thick and fast; need my porcelain refuge
Too soon for my extra 10 minutes in the toilet?
The Lego’s out; it’s everywhere – it’s messing up my head!
“I’ll be Luke – you be Vader . You can’t be Hans – he’s dead”
Is it wrong of me to be counting down ‘til this boy is up in bed?
I crave those extra 10 minutes in the toilet
The game finishes abruptly before the Rebels can advance
“Daddy watch me bottle-flip; have you seen this Fortnite dance?”
The toilets free, I’ve done my bit – I need to take this chance!
Al last!! My extra 10 minutes in the toilet
The seat comes down, my phone comes out. I scroll my Twitter feed
Sky Sports News and Facebook; there ain’t nothing I won’t read
Whilst I sit in quiet solitude and pretend I’ve more than weed
Thank God for these extra 10 minutes in the toilet
Have I been in here too long? I ask myself. Not sure what to do…
If I stay in here much longer I might give away a clue
There’s only one thing for it; I’ll feign a bout of gastric flu
And grab another 10 minutes in the toilet